Rachel (44) experienced ritual abuse from 0 to 15 in Bavaria. She got diagnosed with autism because she was ordered never to talk, so she still doesn’t speak today. However, when she was 15 years old, Rachel began to write down many of her experiences. (Rachel’s testimony was spoken by a professional voice actor)
How or through whom did you come into contact with ritual abuse?
I came into contact with ritual abuse through my grandparents and my uncle. I was chosen as a victim from birth. My parents gave me a Jewish name that they liked very much. This name was an extraordinary provocation for these NPD people [National Democratic Party of Germany]. My uncle was turned from a victim into a perpetrator. My grandmother, a severely traumatized woman, was in bondage to her husband, who was 30 years older. My grandfather was a staunch National Socialist [Nazi].
What are the typical experiences you have had as a victim?
I avoid thinking about it, I’m almost going crazy when I do. I bathe in fear and anger. Secret, targeted programs that grandpa put me through, already at a very early age, absolutely secretly so that my parents wouldn’t notice. For example, he whispered in my ear that I shouldn’t talk, shouldn’t cry, and so on. I still don’t talk to this day. I was diagnosed with autism because I showed all these symptoms. So I was also in an institution for people with disabilities. The priest and the head of that place were also in the cult. Secret meetings at night in various places were my life for fifteen years. I was tortured and severely sexually abused. Child pornography. People in robes. I can’t write anymore right now. We became many — partly because of severe trauma, partly because it was created deliberately.
What was your worst experience?
The worst experiences were these ritual killings of babies. They forced me to do this by holding my hand. The autistic behaviors were deliberately created through torture.
How do the perpetrators get the children to comply?
In everyday life, the management of the institution used this color programming again and again. My parents thought they had a severely autistically disabled daughter. They told me I would have to murder my mother if I started talking. They claimed my parents knew everything. I was tortured if I didn’t obey. Needles were pushed into all my orifices. Electric shocks were used. Always so that my parents wouldn’t notice. That’s why I was never raped vaginally. It could have been noticed when my mother took me to the doctor. I’m a Satanic child, as the priest told me. And absolutely evil, evil, evil. I was told to torment my parents so that they would never want me around again. Pinching, scratching, biting, screaming. I never pushed these memories of ritual abuse away. They were always there, but split up into different people. I was in the cult from birth until I was 15. It was only when I confided in my mother in writing that she broke off all contact and has been organizing many therapies for me for decades. I don’t speak and am almost incapable of doing anything. To this day. So I’m severely disabled with a care degree.
Finally, do you have a personal concern or message?
I would like to say one more thing. I believe in God. I have profound spiritual experiences. Figures of light visit me. I once had a near-death experience during a severe trauma when I was eight years old. I went into the light and felt the all-encompassing love. As there are many of us, not everyone had access to this experience. But this experience and the everlasting love of my mother carry me through life to this day. Oh, please believe us! Everything I write is true.