How or through whom did you come into contact with ritual abuse?

It was my mother. And, due to my photographic memory, my mother was the first person who introduced me to a few men. They were present at and leading an indoctrination ceremony for me into satanic ritual abuse. This was when I was about two to three years old in New Zealand. Following this, I became aware that my mother was under the power and control of my father’s father. That my grandfather was the main person in my family who called the shots, as he was part of the hierarchy within New Zealand. My father was involved, yeah. So it was his father, my grandfather, who was the main person in my family.

What are the typical experiences you have had as a victim?

As a survivor, from an early age, crosses were cut into my hands and feet, and I was told I belonged to Satan. That I would be forever watched and my every move known by him and all the cult members. I was systematically brainwashed into compliance, to believe it was all my fault, to fear death if I ever spoke of satanic ritual abuse. I was drugged into compliance and took drugs to survive the pain. I was punished and threatened if I wasn’t obeying the order. For example, I was physically beaten, raped many times, my head held underwater. I was hung upside down from the rafters and over cliffs and told I would die. I was shot at. Another major time was that I had many spiders crawling over me, and told a large spider had been inserted under my skin, and it would eat me from the inside out if I ever spoke of satanic ritual abuse. I had to gratify many men standing in a line one after the other when I was about seven years old. Food and water was withheld from me if I didn’t obey. I was buried in a grave with rats and told I would be eaten alive. Sexual encounters were filmed and my exposure was threatened many times. I was told at a very young age if I screamed or made a fuss, that I would end up in a mental hospital with no one to look after me. That they would throw away the key, or I would go to prison. As everyone would find out, I had been very naughty. I was told that I was a very naughty bad girl all the time. I did scream out loud often “no”. I rebelled and ran away. But I was always brought back and I was punished severely. I was put in a straitjacket at one time and was given electric shock treatment to calm me down, supposedly. I then learned to shallow-breathe and to not speak much at all. I became a very good observer. I was told that my brother would be sacrificed and I would have to do it. And later on, that my son would be sacrificed and I would have to do it. I witnessed ritual sacrifices and had to perform in them. I was forced to drink sacrificial blood and eat cooked flesh. I had to clean up after a sacrifice or many sacrifices perfectly and bury the dead on the grounds of the ritual venue. Sex with any gender was usual after a sacrifice. I was married at a young age to another chosen satanic member. I was impregnated many times from different men though, and the fetuses were aborted. That was one pretty horrific stage to get through in my healing. I was allowed to birth one pregnancy, however. But he was given away at birth, straight away. I was trafficked overseas in many countries to high-profile satanic members in the UK. The Queen, a USA vice president, a USA diplomat, a prominent UK rock star. Two very well-known celebrities in the States. Prime ministers in the UK and government officials in Ireland. Government officials, doctors, and teachers in New Zealand. I was exposed to and used for industrial espionage, selling arms, drug deals, weather and natural disaster controls, cloning factories, and negative spiritual practices.

Where and in what context did it take place?

In New Zealand, it was always in really large secluded country estates where you couldn’t hear anything or see anything. Always down long driveways. Also very large residential homes within New Zealand. Very large stone buildings. We have a lot of very strong stone buildings here in Christchurch and in Dunedin within New Zealand. And also in forests in the country. In the UK and Europe, I was taken to castles. Very large homes. They were almost like castles, but just really large homes in the country and in forests. And also, I forgot to say, in New Zealand there was a lot of masonic lodges, we have here in New Zealand. So that was quite common as well.

How do the perpetrators get the children to comply?

Grooming children at a very young age and within the cult family context. So grooming them into believing that it’s safe for them, for a child to be with a satanic ritual abuse member at any time. So befriending them, leading them to believe that everyone is in it, that it’s normal practice, and that you are the one who is not okay. So you are told that you will always be protected by the family, that all your needs will be taken care of. So for me personally, in respect of my photographic memory and my spiritual light, I was told, “We will help you and teach you.” “Your schooling will be with us from now on.” “But don’t tell anyone about it, not even when you go to school.” So I was never allowed to talk to my siblings about it or any family members as well. And they also said, “Everyone at school must never know how clever you are, as they won’t help you like we will.” “It’s our secret, the family’s secret.” Then, of course, the indoctrination into fearing Satan, if he ever finds out that you have disobeyed him or spoken about it. This leads to the belief that somehow you’ve signed up for being part of the whole satanic ritual abuse environment and the whole dynamic of it, and especially as it’s portrayed that the cult members are extended family, that they’re your extended family, therefore believing that it must be your fault as a child. Of course, hence the intense shame and guilt growing up. Then, of course, the simultaneous brainwashing and threats on your life happens. So death was an ever-present threat. And then sexual abuse at home and from other family members reinforces all these tactics and these dynamics. It was more throughout my healing that I became aware of the different parts of me that had split off to cope with the trauma. So I believe I was very creative in my survival. So once you’d been through an experience of horrificness, of course, you didn’t really want to believe that it was happening at all yourself as a child. You really didn’t want to have anything to do with it. So I would just go within myself and just decide, “Oh, well, I’m just going to be that person today,” because I didn’t want to be that other person that went through that horrific trauma. So I became quite good at that, kind of splitting off from myself, like disengaging from what had happened and then just kind of reinventing myself as I went along. And I found that I could do that. It was within my benefits or beneficial for me to do that. So with the brainwashing that I experienced, I was put in a room with loudspeakers, and food and water was withheld from me, particularly at those times. But you would just be hearing this constant, constant talking at you, and I would just try to block it out. But I was aware that there was no way that some of that wasn’t infiltrated into my psyche. But certainly, I remember when I was younger, experiencing that, I just tried with all my might to just try and think of other things, other things that I enjoyed, like colors and nature and people, particularly. My brother was my best buddy, kind of thing, and I would just think of my friends in that respect to try and drown it all out. And I do believe I was pretty successful at doing that. But I was always fearful later on in my life, I was always fearful that a trigger I would hear or see, a trigger that would trigger me into doing something that I didn’t want to do. At the time, I was just in survival mode so much. But I definitely think looking back now, especially in my healing, I became aware that it was a definite systematic way of getting me to comply and be part of it all. Well, there are a few, kind of on par with each other. Seeing skin ripped off another person’s flesh as a punishment, that was pretty horrific, one that you don’t really want to remember much about. But nevertheless, I know that specifically happened. The other one is animals being raped and tortured. That was one of the worst things I think I ever encountered, and I haven’t ever wanted to remember anything specifically about that. I just don’t want to go there. I’ve just blocked that out. Drinking of the blood and eating another person’s flesh, that was pretty horrific. Well, not pretty horrific, very horrific. And the smell of burnt flesh, I will never forget that. They burnt the bodies as well. And then one in particular, or particularly the Queen chopping another girl’s head off. She was a similar age to myself. And knowing that I would be next if I disobeyed, if I didn’t go along with it. And then physically, my DNA and my soul being tampered with, I think they were intending to steal that from me and clone me as well. Physically, at the time, I was just within an inch of my life. It took all my spiritual strength to hang on to myself, and I believe that I did that. And once they saw my spiritual strength, they kind of dumped me and didn’t tamper with me again. I think they really realized that they couldn’t get me. But that was one of the most horrific experiences.

Finally, do you have a personal concern or message?

If we buy into fear of not being able to stomach the truth of satanic ritual abuse, which is pure evil, we are lost to it. Humans do not know how strong they are. Satanic ritual abuse survivors are living proof that we are spiritually strong in and of God’s light, that in this universe we are designed to live alongside — to agree to disagree with evil. 50 voices have survived, I think, by the grace of God, to be God’s messengers in this context. This is my spiritual mission, I believe, and always has been. Forgiveness is not about condoning evil. However, comprehending who and how evil has been allowed to manifest is paramount in quieting evil. Evil manifests from jealousy of God’s light and capacity to love, believing insignificance of oneself in relation to this and humans. Fear, shame, and guilt for oneself. It is the will and arrogance of evil that has made a gross mistake in assuming that the human spirit, God’s light, can be overpowered and controlled. We need to claim our DNA. Let in the light. Be the light that you are in God’s name, for Christ’s sake, for your own children’s sake, and the sake of the world’s children. Therefore, do not comply to fear. Be aware. Knowledge is empowerment.