How or through whom did you come into contact with ritual abuse?

For me, it was already decided as a baby that I would join the cult. I was deliberately programmed and tortured into being trapped. Programming happened with electric shocks. They tied me up for the electric shocks, by hanging me up and submerging me underwater. Underground were devices that were specially made for this, for programming. In the end, with so many shocks and the bad experiences you had, they got you to the point where you always did what they wanted. You developed split personalities because you always had borderline experiences with death, you almost died. And then they could condition you to the point where they could call you up with a code word or whatever, and you were then submissive to the cult.

What was your worst experience?

The worst experience was actually what happened at the end, with everything that had happened, when I was taken along as a child, these brutal killings, tortures, flayings, all kinds of things, the dismemberment of people while they were still alive, just having to see these cruel things, that was the worst. But then also becoming a perpetrator myself. So you got to that point. They got you to the point where you were forced to do it too. And by the time you reached adulthood with this programming, you got to the point where you ended up actively doing these things yourself. I started out in the cult myself. You could just take me with you, then I switched to the other split personalities, and then you could do that with me.

How did they get you to comply?

Because as a child, I had a normal childhood. I thought I was loved by my parents, grew up in a normal family with everything you can have, or what you think you have. And in that sense, everything was normal for me. The first fragments of memories only came later when I was unwell. More and more memories came up until I finally had to realize that I had been involved from infancy to adulthood. I was always taken along and never had the choice of whether I wanted to go or not. I was simply taken along. I was taken along by my father and the perpetrators just got me in there. As a small child, you can’t defend yourself and have no chance to escape from anywhere.

Did it all become “normal” for you then?

It’s never normal, that’s for sure. No, it’s never normal. It was just that I thought I had a normal life, and that only came out later. I had a day life and a night life, or a weekend life, where I had to do all of this. But at the same time, I was a normal person on the outside. So you couldn’t tell, I didn’t even realize that I was in it myself. I thought I had a completely normal life. It only came out later that I was leading a parallel life.

You have told of quite dramatic events – for example, people being dismembered. What happened to the mortal remains?

Things came up one after the other, so the last few years, things came up. So it wasn’t all there in one go, it all came up bit by bit, and not just in therapy. So it wasn’t just in counseling, but these memories came up in other ways too. It didn’t just happen in therapy. Sometimes they’re dumped in underground silos. They can then do something like cremations, where a fire is lit inside. Or I don’t really know, I have no idea how that works. But I’ve seen silos like that, I was forced to see them. So I had to help cut up some of the bodies or put them in these acid barrels. They had whole machines where they disposed of the children.

Do you have evidence of it?

That was a long time ago, it’s evidence that you can’t, well … I don’t know if all these crime scenes still exist, they keep changing locations. So I can’t say where it all happened. I’m aware of certain locations and know what happened there, but I can’t say exactly where, what, and how.

Finally, do you have a personal concern or message?

Yes, it’s important to me that it’s made public, so that people really know what’s going on in the background, because it’s a very dark subject that people actually have no idea about. On the outside, people have the sense that everything is normal. But the perpetrators are so well connected that they are present in regular life, so they are active in various fields and work normally, but at the same time they have to do their job there. Everyone has their job in the cult that they have to do. So there is a whole construct, a whole network. Whether it’s a small job, maybe standing guard somewhere, or saying, “We’re having an event right now, you can’t go in here.” It’s generally well-networked, so that nothing can get out at all. Because the children can’t talk, they have no chance of shouting. And if they do scream, nobody hears them because they’re in a place where they can’t be heard. It’s just always covered up in a way that it can’t get out to the public. That’s simply a concern of mine, it should finally get out to the public, because the justice system is not really willing to look at it.