How or through whom did you come into contact with ritual abuse?
I came into contact through my father, who was a Satanist himself, and who abused me from the time I was a baby, and, at some point, when I was about five years old, he brought me into this ritual scene.
Where and in what context did it take place?
It’s difficult for me to separate that because there were pedophile events as well as ritual masses that took place, as well as bringing me into child prostitution, pimping me out to johns in parking lots and such places, but as far as ritual violence, there were things like me being abandoned in the forest, naked in the woods at night, and then hunted down by some men who then raped me. It also happened that I was buried alive in a coffin full of vermin, and was only taken out again later. Then there was torture with electricity, or that incision wounds were inflicted, or needles were stuck under the fingernails. Such things happened again and again. Then also that I was in groups, in children’s groups, where I was among many children who were abused, and children were also killed. It happened that children were cut open alive and then the heart was taken out, the heart was eaten, the blood was drunk. Things like that have happened.
What was your worst experience?
This is difficult. Because just what I have said now, that was all bad somehow. And then to say, “That was that one really bad thing … ” Everything was unbelievably terrible in its own way, and cruel and actually unbearable. That’s why my soul split off. One very remarkable occurrence that I remember is, that I was surrounded by women who were dressed up like witches and they put a baby on my stomach and put a knife in my hand and then stabbed this baby on my belly, held my hand and then stabbed this baby, killed the baby. Then they kept screaming: “What did you do? What did you do?” “You killed the baby! What are you doing?” The whole thing took place in a mine, a disused mine, and there was like a cave passage with water in it, and I was taken there and chained up, and stood knee-deep in water, and there were children’s corpses all around me. That was really gross. But it was one of many extreme experiences.
How do the perpetrators get the children to comply?
Often I was actually more like a lifeless doll, who let everything happen to her, but in some moments when I really was active, when I had to be active, participate somehow and be compliant, then I was always put under pressure, that if I didn’t do that, my mother would suffer the same or even be killed.
Finally, do you have a personal concern or message?
In the very first place, I want to say: These things are true. This is really happening. And it’s not happening somewhere abroad, It happens in the neighborhood. And at the end of the day, it could happen to anyone, and you don’t really look at people … You don’t really see what’s going on inside of people. They’re people, I would say, like you and me, you don’t see it, what kind of cruelty — what they’re capable of. I just wish that we would all take it much more seriously what people, what victims say. And believe them. That we believe, first and foremost, that they’re not making it up. There’s a reason why when you type in the internet “movies based on true events” that most of them are horror movies. That’s the first thing that comes up, horror movies. Why? Because it’s true. Because the worst things truly happen. And they happen to the weakest, the children, and they have no one to stand up for them. I wish so much that we would go through life with open eyes and really be vigilant. And if we see, there’s somebody, there’s a child who is somehow conspicuous, who needs help, that we look, that we perhaps first seek help ourselves and say, I have someone in my environment and I’m worried about the child. Don’t become active right away, don’t run off, but ask yourself, Where could I turn to? How could you help this child? And then I want to tell the people who are affected: There is a way out. There is hope, there is a way out. If I made it — I am not someone else, not better, not worse, not more intelligent, I … We can do this. We can. But we can’t do it alone. We need support from people. I personally experienced that God helped me. I could turn to Him, I could ask Him for help. And I have experienced that He is real and that He loves me, and that He can help out and will help out, if we’re just brave enough to take His hand. But He doesn’t force Himself on us. And I just want to say, whatever they’ve told you about God, about how cruel He is and how He doesn’t care about us … It’s not true. He was there. He saw us. He has suffered with us. And He wants to help us out. And if we just give Him a chance to show Himself as He really is, it changes everything.