How or through whom did you come into contact with ritual abuse?

My father and what I believe is a criminal faction of the United States government, specifically the military.

What are the typical experiences you have had as a victim?

At the age of four, my father told my mother he was taking me to work with him, but he was actually taking me to different locations where I experienced … Well, it was a military-like place or it was more a clinical and a lab-like place that had electronic equipment, where I saw men in white lab coats and, mostly men, in military uniform. Occasionally, I’d see a woman. And I was usually strapped to a chair and I had something on my head and they were using drugs and I think electricity and pain to hurt me, overwhelm me until I would dissociate. Some of the men in white lab coats were also pedophiles. And when we were, sometimes if I was alone with one of them, they would be sexually abusing me and they also would use fear and pain on different parts of my body to overwhelm me. I believe they wanted to control my mind and when I would dissociate, they would access my subconscious and they were creating different parts within me that they were programming. And I have very clear memories of acting out as one of those parts, but a part of me was aware of what was happening. And they were training me to sexually please men. To be very, very obedient and follow orders. And there were parts that were being trained to kill. And I saw a lot of other children at this place. And then connected to that, or then … The other places my father was taking me to, some were pedophile groups where I and other children were there primarily for sex for them, and sexual abuse. Some of these places were very wealthy. And then the other group of places I was brought to were places where men and women, mostly men, were doing some kind of an occult practice, a kind of ritual ceremony. Sometimes they included orgy-like things around them. I was brought there to be used in these rituals where it seemed like it was part of their religion, I guess, something about defiling innocence, hurting innocence and having sex with the child was an incredible, powerful thing or an offering to the entity they worshipped. I feel all these three different kinds of groups were connected. As part of the ritual group these people did, I saw children being killed. And I saw babies being killed. And they would practice a kind of blood drinking and cannibalism as part of their religion. And I believe all three of these kinds of locations; the pedophile groups, the ritual groups, and the military-kind-of-lab-place were all connected. There were times in the military mind control place I was shown films of rituals And I feel they were desensitizing me and preparing me in some way to be used in them. But they also wanted me to be robotically obedient and to do whatever I was told and not to have any emotional reactions. Everything had to be repressed.

Where and in what context did it take place?

Well, some of the doctors, or they called themselves doctors, the men in white lab coats, some of them used German words and phrases. And there were times that I would see a pin on a lapel or even an armband or a banner on the wall with a Nazi symbol, swastika, or other symbols. One doctor had a ring that I was able to draw, and much later I found out it was a death’s head ring from the SS. I believe these doctors and scientists were Project Paperclip scientists. Project Paperclip was a program in the United States government that brought in, after World War II, Nazi scientists from Germany and other places in Europe. But I also know that a lot of these Project Paperclip scientists were also into the ritual abuse, because I would see rituals with Nazi symbology. And even in the military facility or lab-like place, clinical places, they would sometimes, I would see little occultish things done by them, And there was also photography. So I suspect some of these groups were creating pornography as well by photographing the rituals. I remember one doctor took his ring that had the ring, and he put it in my mouth, and he put it in my genital area and took photos of it. It was like some occult thing he was doing too. So that was all connected.

How do the perpetrators get the children to comply?

The children and myself were told that … I was told that I was being watched and that if I ever spoke, they would say to me, “We know where you are.” And if I ever spoke, they would find me. They would know how to find me and get me, and I would be hurt very badly or killed. And then they also said that if I did not obey, other children would be hurt or killed. And I saw children being hurt and, I believe, killed as an example to other children. They considered some of the children expendable. I also saw animals killed. And they would say to me, “It’s because you didn’t obey.” And also, I would see my father in the room in the lab-like places, when they were torturing me. He wouldn’t do anything to help me. So I knew, I have no one I can turn to for help. Some of the doctors and the men in white lab clothes were very brutal and cold, cold-hearted. And there was a cage with a child in it, a boy, young boy. And I believe he was stabbed and then dragged out of the cage, and he was hung by the neck. And I saw this. And I believe they continued to stab him. And then they told me — I was given a knife and I was told, I have to help kill the boy. And I refused. And they said to me, “If you do not obey, we will continue to kill children in this way until you do.” So I felt I had to help, or else other children would die.

Finally, do you have a personal concern or message?

Well, my experience has been that love is stronger than their fear, manipulation, and brutality. And I had to learn how to love myself. And I’m still learning. But the more I learn to accept myself, appreciate myself, support myself, and validate myself, which I believe are aspects of love. That energy has strengthened me and it has allowed me to face my fear and overcome them one step at a time. So I believe, ultimately, love is the most powerful energy.