How or through whom did you come into contact with ritual abuse?
Both sides of my family are of royal blood, particularly my father’s is of English, pretty high up in the royal line, so I believe that was part of why I was targeted. And my family has on both sides political connections. So there are many possibilities on how this all got started. And I feel it probably goes back generations for sure.
What are the typical experiences you have had as a victim?
I should mention that before I had these satanic ritual abuse memories, I first had incestuous memories which came up at a pretty young age. And then in my mid-60s, I started to have first memories of being trafficked as an adolescent and memories of being used in child pornography at a very young age, under four. And then the ritual abuse memories began. The first really strong memory I have is actually being in a pentacle. These experiences took place in churches and castles. In the dark underbelly. I remember a lot of darkness. Altars. Dark clothing. No clothing. The first memory is being in a pentacle with my father, where I actually watched him become a devil. His eyes turned red, and his energy, his physical form, became that of a devil. And it became a sexual ritual. Another memory I have of being on an altar, white marble, and having person after person, male and female, having oral sex with me. Another memory, when the memory first presented itself, I could see that there was some kind of an altar or table where there was a group of people around and that some sort of animal was being tortured. And in that first memory I was not able to take a close look, shall we say. Then the memory presented itself again, and this time I was able to get close, and I could see that it was a large dog that was being mutilated. And I had an interesting experience in that moment, in that my own dog was on the floor beside me. And at the moment that I saw what it was, the dog just started to scream. And I’ve never heard the sounds that came out of him in those moments, before or after. I have memories of being abused by royalty, of being brought into a totally darkened room, where someone was sitting on a throne, and I was repeatedly kicked in the head and the face. I have memories of being abused quite young, probably a very young adolescent, by famous musicians. I’ve described it as being a spectacle, where I was being made to have sex in a group of people watching.
What was your worst experience?
The worst memory, and the one that feels like lifelong work to recover and heal from, is as soon as I started to menstruate when I was eleven, I was impregnated. And the child was induced, certainly before full term. But I was made to take the child’s life. And then there was a cannibalistic ritual. And I went through this twice. And the third time I was impregnated, I spoke in my heart of hearts to the spirit, and I miscarried at a very early stage. I’d also like to mention that there was a … … I think a spiritual feeling, experience, around this, that the first two children … I had a very close friend who gave birth to two children. I was very close to the family, very close to the children. And then there was a falling out between myself and my friend. And 26 years later I got an email from her telling me she wanted to be friends again. And this was right after I had these memories. And I feel that those children came through her then. And I was given the gift of knowing that they are alive and well and having very beautiful lives. And she didn’t stay in my life. She met with me one day, and she disappeared again. And I’m extremely grateful in my higher heart to know that. But at the same time, for myself personally, to have gone through that and to have done that is a hard road of recovery and healing. But I do thank the spiritual world for the ultimate knowing that they are okay.
How do the perpetrators get the children to comply?
Perpetrators were a prominent family in my area, along with my own family. And it feels as if … It’s just an overwhelming feeling of fear for my life, and that this was my reality. And the things I saw being done and that I had to do. There was no escape, there was no reasoning, there was no question. This was my life, and there was just overwhelming fear. I still live in overwhelming fear for my safety. I have a lot of phobias. I’m scared in a car. I’ve never been able to do a lot of physical things that I see other people doing with ease. I’m just in terror.
Finally, do you have a personal concern or message?
I feel like this is the core issue on the planet right now. If we are to change and heal ourselves, and move into a much higher world of kindness and caring and love, which I feel is what’s happening, and the purpose of my life, and the purpose for the planet right now. And I feel that it’s really important that people believe our stories, and help the children that this is still happening to, and to acknowledge that our culture’s intention is to keep us asleep through entertainment, sports, education, religion, mainstream psychology, food, medicine, and that we need to wake up. And I also feel, as much as I can certainly experience anger and revengeful thoughts, that my deepest intention is out of healing for all of us, for the human race. And basically what we’re healing on a spiritual level is our shadow side. And that I myself have had memories of being the perpetrator in past lives, and that it’s a human consciousness issue. It’s all of us. And I really would like us to heal. There’s a couple of little things I’d like to read. “We ask in the name of all thy creatures” “that our suffering shall cease,” “that we shall be fed and healed,” “provided with safe haven here on Earth.” “And then, oh divine mystery,” “a home in Thee.” And for me, one of the ways I survived was through the great philosophers of John Lennon and George Harrison. And George speaks of … He sees the love there that’s all that’s sleeping. And that we have been controlled, and perverted and inverted. But our love is there. And John Lennon, of course, asked us to imagine a world of oneness. And I feel that as the human race heals this particular issue, the world will live as one.