How or through whom did you come into contact with ritual abuse?

Due to my father and mother and my grandfather and grandmother, grandparents, and also uncle and aunts. They were highly involved in SRA [satanic ritual abuse] and certainly friends of the city of Zandvoort, the community of Zandvoort, special group, I think.

What are the typical experiences you have had as a victim?

Typically experiences were no food, neglect, thrown from the stairs. My father was killing little animals. Electroshocks on my head and my brain were squeezed between blocks, wooden blocks. I have 15 certainly broken limbs. They drugged me. They forced me to put my kneecap on an iron frame for punishing, for abuse. I have more than 700 scars over my body, which came up by the age of 50, my body is getting responding. Hanging upside down — and change. Of course, rape. Front and backside. Furthermore, hitting under your feet a lot. Your feet hurt a lot. And stabbing with knives in my back. Shoulder blades. I have scars on my shoulder blades. I remember that I was wearing the white dress. I was cleaned, I smelled the soap, and I was lying there on a kind of altar. Absolutely sure. I’m absolutely tied, of course. Always tied. So many ties everywhere. Tied, also with electroshocks, of course. But that’s what I remember very clearly. And of course, they were wearing the robes with black capes over it. And they’re wearing the robes and they are chanting. And a lot of candles. Those scenery. And then in the basement of the castles with the bows, the concrete bows [arches]. And I was not alone, there were more children. So that’s absolutely what I remember.

Where and in what context did it take place?

Took place at our home. Certainly in Zandvoort. We were taken to mansions and places in the Netherlands, probably more area Haarlem, Zaandvort, and The Hague, where my mother also comes from. Then castles. Heidelberg in Germany, mansions in Belgium and probably castles also there because we had a summer house near the border of Belgium, France, and UK.

How do the perpetrators get the children to comply?

It’s a lot by grooming. I’ve been kidnapped, certainly. Drugging. Needles. I have needles, feeling needles, also in my arm and here [shoulder]. They also put during abuse needles on my face and in my eye. That’s also experience. But also forced power of course. I think it has to do with the MKUltra system, otherwise I wouldn’t have been tortured so much between age zero and six. Torture is incredible for such a young child. It probably was to test the pain level, I think. They were organized. They were wearing those white coats. I have flashbacks of the machines, everything. That you are lying there. And they prepared it all. They know what they were doing. It was certainly a medical environment.

What was your worst experience?

The worst experience, what they did, were the electroshocks on my brain. Since I live, I hear a big bang in my head all the time. When I want to go to live, I want to live. I heard huge bang. So I think that’s the moment they put electroshocks on my brain. The last seven years I have a lot of headaches of the squeezing of the blocks with my brain in between. So they can do anything with your body, but things with your head and brain, that’s awful.

Finally, do you have a personal concern or message?

Most concern is that it’s a family system. You are in a system, and when you are getting aware of your abuse, there’s already a transformation in yourself. So you have to deal with the pains and with the horror. And then the most thing is … that you almost cannot get out of that system. It’s almost in your veins, it’s in your cells, how you meet people. You have no normal relationships. You have no normal — you cannot commit with normal friends. So the ripple effect is huge.