How or through whom did you come into contact with ritual abuse?

I came into contact with it through my mother.

What are the typical experiences your clients have had as a victim?

I was mainly abused in pornography, but I also experienced ritual abuse. In the most recent memories that came up, — this happened without the help of a therapist — I was placed in a coffin and I was also present at child sacrifices and when other people — men and women — used others for sexual gratification in front of a camera. So again, pornography.

What was your worst experience?

It was a child about my age. First I had to look after the child. I had to make sure it stayed calm. Then it was tied up and placed on a stone altar. And they cut open its chest and cut out its heart. The worst thing was that it whimpered so much, until it finally said nothing anymore. That really was the worst memory, and it took me a long time to come to terms with it. It’s still very difficult to talk about it today, and I’m still very sad, it’s incomprehensible, I still sometimes think about this child.

How do the perpetrators get the children to comply?

I was subjected to a lot of violence and punishment. I still remember very well how they used to stand next to me with a gun or a whip that would hit the ground next to me and sometimes hit me. I was also very often locked up and threatened with death. I was often hung up by the door on a nail until I shut up. And yes, that’s how they made me submissive. They also played mind games with me. It often ended with me being punished if I couldn’t do it. Or I was told that they wanted to help me — also with psychological words — but then I was abused, sexually abused. I was made compliant to the point where I had to help them.

Finally, do you have a personal concern or message?

Yes, I do. I would like to say two things. One is for the victims and the other is for our society. I would like to say to those affected that they should not stop looking for help. There really is help to get out of these organizations completely. But there is also help to deal with all of this. The second thing I want to say to society is that there are many lies that society believes in. One lie is that it’s only foreigners who are sold into prostitution, that there are only foreign children. That’s not true, there are also many Swiss children that are also sold into pornography, just like I was. Pornography really is pure violence. Children are sexually tortured and even killed in front of the camera. Another lie that is unfortunately told in Switzerland is that sex with children does not harm them. I would like to say that I have suffered from this my whole life. I am still suffering today. I suffer from developmental disorders and I realize that it’s a consequence of what I experienced and that it was triggered by it. The other thing is that I suffered from severe anxiety for years, and I still suffer from it today. And I would like to say to society, stop supporting this! It destroys people in a terrible way, even in Switzerland.