How or through whom did you come into contact with ritual abuse?
In my case, I was born into the cult. Basically, two adults from different cult lines were married to bring new children. I remembered prenatally how the sister was abused. The whole thing really took twenty years for me, and I was deep in the cult at the beginning. Then I was given hormones to get impregnated early. I had five children taken out of my womb. And after that, I was sold in pedophile rings until I was twenty.
What are the typical experiences you have had as a victim?
The typical experiences are, on the one hand, this ritual abuse, which means rituals with child sacrifices, with animal sacrifices, with a lot of blood, with a lot of violence, with mass orgies. And also this spiritual abuse, where during the rituals really dark, evil energy was directed through me — through the child.
Where and in what context did it take place?
That was actually very, very varied. For one thing, I was taken out of bed at night. I was given drugs, they put bags over my head. I was driven to secret places, depending on where that was taking place, sometimes it was simple basements, sometimes it was really castles. I can remember a ritual where they took my child out of my womb and they skinned it in front of my eyes. It took me many years to be able to live with it somehow. That took place on a holiday in a castle or mansion or so. The setting is actually familial, although I have to say, once women really turn to the dark side, they really are the worst and much, much worse than men. They are more deceitful, harder, more brutal. And in my case, the legal female guardian was also the leader within — I don’t even wanna say family — but within this community that lived there together. And the grandma, the mother of the mother, was the grandmaster. But all of them are only part of the whole cult and are in a structure, which is really a global network. So also in my case, there were doctors, psychologists, lawyers, and policemen involved. They’re all in there. It goes up to the high, high ranks, because this system is the basis of this society. The divine order is being undermined. And that’s why victims have no chance to say anything, or that some proof will be found, or somehow to fight back.
How do the perpetrators get the children to comply?
The children are being conditioned. In my case, I was raised to be a silent servant. So basically they try to break the children, which means through violence. Every back talk, every thought is beaten out of the child via sexual assault and also through various conditioning methods. They first try to split the children into different personalities and to arrange the personalities differently. They try to make these personalities conform to the cult, so that the child enjoys doing what they want. And also that is done with really great, great violence, and that violence is absolutely glorified. For these — I don’t want to say “people” — for these beings, money, violence, and greed are basically the greatest joy. They are no heart. They don’t have love, they don’t know that, that’s pure consciousness, and that doesn’t know morality or anything else. So they’re not just totally committed to this dark side, they are it. They are like that. Therefore there’s also nothing to save, to heal, and to understand, that they were somehow once connected with God or have experienced something stupid. They are just like that. They brought it with them, like a soul that brings love. So, they torture these kids, and when you’re tortured like that from a young age, other thoughts, like this question of “why didn’t you say no?” when you’re raped, also when you’re older, that doesn’t exist at all. It doesn’t exist in the mind because it would simply mean death. The conditioning is so complete in terms of what a child is allowed to do and achieve. So it’s not allowed to have joy. It is not allowed to love. It is not allowed to have a connection with itself. It must not succeed at anything. It must earn every breath, is the property of the cult, must do everything they want. And every contravention, contravening thought, is meticulously punished. They also use the media. So in the media, cartoons, there is also information put in there. They’re put in cages and have to watch and listen to these things for hours. And so it becomes the reality of the children. And there are hidden messages in there, pictures inserted into the background and all these kinds of things. A child’s soul, when it is in an absolutely traumatized state, for example, a knife is pressed into the child’s hand, and it then has to cut the heart out of a corpse that’s still warm. The child is so traumatized that everything that they whisper in this child’s ear subconsciously becomes its unfiltered truth. And it remains like this your whole life — if you don’t figure it out. I can’t even put that into words.
What was your worst experience?
There are so many bad things. The worst was — one of the worst was — living in fear and terror for twenty years without knowing it. A child growing up like that must completely deny its experiences, either through a dissociative personality split or through amnesia, and must believe that what it goes through on an everyday level is good. It idolizes the parents — so it’s totally twisted. In retrospect, the worst thing was to have to endure it all again, and to find and resolve these twists. While you’re in it, everything is just awful. It’s all just cruel. You can’t tell the difference at all. You get taken every night, raped, tortured, impregnated, sold. There’s no, “What’s the worst?” Life is just cruel.
Finally, do you have a personal concern or message?
My message is that despite these bad things that are being done, that are also built energetically into the system, into the consciousness, it is possible to reconnect to the soul and survive. And, by finding back to the soul, you take the power away from them. You leave the fear scenario and turn to the good. This is connected with great, great fear, and it’s an extremely difficult path, because it evokes the mortal fears that have been planted in you. But nevertheless, it’s possible, and that’s what I would like to say here in conclusion.