How or through whom did you come into contact with ritual abuse?
I was born into a multigenerational family that practiced, actively practiced, satanic ritual abuse. And so from birth until 37 years old, I was accessed and utilized without really even knowing that that was what was going on with me. So from birth is when I was exposed to it. I was also exposed to and brought into it on a more organized level through the Mormon Church. So my family were members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and also the behind-the-scenes underground organization of the blood cult that actually runs that church. And so through a series of some different testing, one of which was actually through me being on Romper Room, and so, as the children on that particular show, and me in particular, I can speak for myself, were recorded, and studied. From that, I was chosen by a high-level member of the Mormon Church, who was actually in the highest level. There’s what they call the general authorities. And then the first presidency is the president and his two councilors. So at the time, it was a member that was actually in … It was a general authority that did choose me to be one of the children that he owned. And so I would be delivered to the church administration building in Salt Lake City. And that would happen often. That began when I was around five years old, and that continued until we moved to Texas, when I was in — I think it was 1980-81 when that happened — so I was in 9th grade. So from about 5 years old to 14-15 years old, I was being accessed and utilized by not only my family and other people in the community or members of the blood cult community, I was also part of rituals and ceremonies with the highest level of the Mormon Church administration.
What are the typical experiences you have had as a victim?
Typical experiences could range anywhere from, I want to say incest, that would be in a familial setting. So from incest all the way to human sacrifice. I witnessed animal sacrifice. I was part of rituals where children and teenagers and adults were ritually sacrificed and killed. I was made to drink blood. I was made to eat human flesh. I was also part of rituals that were specific to mind control, specific to splitting me off, so creating multiple personalities. And that was something that didn’t happen just in ritual settings. That was also something that was practiced at home in familial settings. I was put under testing. So it was kind of more of a mind control thing where different skills, and levels, and abilities that would be physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual were also tested. And so I became somebody that, you know … They would record all of this so that they knew how to utilize me or what they would be utilizing me for, based on those abilities, how I would be trained. What different personalities could be created that they could utilize, all of which would be called up when they wanted to call them up, if they chose to. I was unaware that I had the personalities, but I did actually have multiple personalities at one time until I did go through some extensive therapy, actually. In the family, I would witness things that were there to reinforce the mind control training. A lot of times going to church every Sunday, the ceremonies, and the trauma, and the programming, and the conditioning would be reinforced. So to give you an example, it would be like if I was going to be taking, as part of the ceremony at the Mormon churches, you would be taking sacrament. And the sacrament was drinking the blood of Jesus and taking the bread that would represent his blood or his flesh. And there had been ceremonies that I was a part of where somebody was sacrificed. And I was told that it was Jesus, and we would have to drink the blood and eat the flesh of the person that had been sacrificed. And so those kinds of ceremonies intentionally are focused and created to further push those traumas into a victim, and, in my case, into me. Another thing that was always present was a sexual violation. So typically it was a rape. That kind of violation pushes the conditioning and the programming into the child even further. So they actually utilize very systematically and very mechanically, they utilize anal rape in order to drive in the programming and create multiple personalities. Vaginal rape is going to be utilized. An intense amount of pain, in addition to seeing really traumatic, terrifying events. There were experts that were doctors, a surgeon, in particular, that would utilize surgical tools such as scalpels that would leave very, very small incisions, that would not leave scars, but would also be very painful to remind you, kind of like paper cuts. And every time I would walk or I would bump that, that wound, until it was healed, I internally and subconsciously would be reminded of the incident, or the moment, or the series of events that had happened to push in even further that trauma. So everything that is done is calculated, is planned, and is done in a way to maintain control of the victim.
Where and in what context did it take place?
The ceremonies that I was a part of ranged anywhere from my own home to private residences, private properties, church-owned properties. So the temples were places that this would happen at. Church houses. I even had ceremony at a Catholic cathedral. There were underground tunnels that I had experienced ceremonies in. There’s private rooms, cemeteries, even a university. There’s underground rooms, facilities, connected places that the public isn’t necessarily gonna see. It allows them to kind of move around and move victims around unseen and undetected. They would cross borders onto private land. So when I was affected in Mexico, we went from Texas into Mexico. And that was, the ceremonies that were done, that was out on private land, out in the desert. There have been ceremonies where it’s been on private land that’s been surrounded by trees and even in stage settings where it would be like, although it was a private building, it was still like a theatrical set. BYU [Brigham Young University] is a place that I experienced some of the trauma and the programming. And also there was another university, the University of Utah. There was some things that happened to me while I was there. There was once — I wouldn’t even call it a ceremony — it was an organized human trafficking sale that I was a part of and that sale appeared as an event at the state fairgrounds where they would actually hold large events. This was at the fairgrounds in Salt Lake City. And there were dignitaries from another country that had flown in, and there were girls, and I was part of it, that were up on a stage, and they would bid on us, and then take us, and rape us, and then we go back up on this stage, or we would be paraded in certain places. And part of that whole thing was … It was just part of this human trafficking experience too. So it wasn’t necessarily a blood cult experience. It was a definite trafficking sale experience.
How do the perpetrators get the children to comply?
Complying comes along with a lot of training. So, for me at least, from birth, there are going to be some things that were employed through family or those who were handling me. One of the biggest things that was always present was drugs. So I would be given a piece of candy or something to eat or drink, and I would always be in an altered state, which, in addition to high fear, terror, trauma, and then also having instructions told directly to you or whispered to you, coupled with electric shock, coupled with watching a scene of somebody that, you were told, didn’t comply being murdered in front of you. There was a number of different ways that all of this would combine to really drive in an obedience and a certainty that you would not break the silence, that you would actually obey, that you would comply, whether you were conscious of it or not. Because there was so much validation and evidence that was constantly there in front of you when you were in these traumatic experiences that there’s really nothing else that you would want to do. It’s always demonstrated that there’s no way out. And that the training, at least for me, was so thorough on not trusting myself, not trusting my own judgment, and being shown that there was no way out, either of the room or of who was controlling me, who the family members were. That also reinforced it. And there was also very calculated and specific programming and conditioning against God. So even praying your way out of someplace, God never shows up, or God is the one that is hurting you. That was demonstrated often where somebody would pose as Jesus and I would be a victim to being brutally hurt or drowned almost to death. And then the one that would end up rescuing me would be somebody that I would bond to, whether it was my handler or whether it was Lucifer. And so the dissociation with who I can really trust, even when it came to deity.
What was your worst experience?
I would say the top one out of these two is when we were in this desert setting in Mexico. And it was, what I believe, was opening the border from Texas to Mexico for a particular kind of trade with a high dignitary group. And the man whose private property we were on had a daughter, I believe she was a stepdaughter. And at the time, I was about 15 years old and there was a number of girls, we were trucked over, we were put in a truck. It was created really brilliantly. We were in a meat truck, a refrigeration truck. There were sides of beef that were actually near the back. So if they were ever stopped and they opened up the back, you could see, or somebody inspecting it could just see, “Oh, it’s just a truck with sides of beef.” However, the girls were near the front of the truck, of the trailer, and we were also all drugged, all passed out, and we were hanging in these sacks as well, so we could appear as these sides of beef as well. And so, as we were deposited and dropped off in this place, they had created this really amazing huge area with glamping tents. And there was an altar there and there was a lot of activity there. But at the height of this dedication, I remember they had created a ceremony, there was chanting, they wore robes, and they called the girl out, this daughter or stepdaughter, out of the tent, and she came out dressed all in white. She was probably one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen now. And I was also under the influence of drugs too. So it was there, it was hazy, but I was also very clear on what I was seeing. And I remember her walking up to this altar and getting upon it all by herself. And then at a certain point, they handed her this gold dagger, and she plunged it into herself, almost like a self-sacrifice. And that is still within me. That was so alarming, that was so alarming that something like that, in the way I was witnessing it, what actually could happen. And then they finished her off. The men that were standing, there was three men that were standing behind this big stone altar that she laid herself on. And I … I think maybe … After all the ceremonies that I had seen and witnessed, there were more ceremonies that I could say had happened to a victim. But in this case, to see that she was clearly not herself, clearly in this daze, but clearly following through on these instructions, almost like she was on some kind of hypnotic … I don’t know what to call it. I’ve actually, since then, researched and studied, and found that there is a particular drug where … that you would actually do whatever you were told. And you can’t deny it, you can’t refuse it, even if it is to take your own life. And in my mind, that made sense to apply it here. But it still affects me. And later, by some kind of interesting turn of events, I found out through another victim who happened to be related to this man that owned that property because it’s a Mormon community. And so, this is years and years later, I found out that he did have, I think it was a stepdaughter that had died. And they called it an accident, that he and she were out riding the fence line in Mexico and the horse got spooked and threw her and she was thrown onto a fence and impaled. And that’s what everybody took as the reason why she was killed and how tragic that was and how distraught he must have been and brought her back, when, in reality, I witnessed one of the worst ceremonies I’ve ever seen in my entire life or history through this.
Finally, do you have a personal concern or message?
The message I would share with everybody is to really understand that your own self-led healing is the most important thing that you could possibly do. Get to know who you are, what it is that is driving you. I guess we all have our own memories, whether we remember them or not. We all have our own traumas. Tey don’t have to be as extensive as this, but you are worth it. You are worth doing this work. I became my own inner archaeologist and I have all my answers. I healed and have become the person I am now in such a more empowered place because I actually found the answers within me. And I watched myself, just by getting these memories heal from them. Not even going after whatever. I didn’t even know what I was going after. But the empowerment, the healing, and the life-changing, the life I’m leading now and experiences that I have in front of me and that I can look at behind me are just so much different because I took the time and I still continue to take the time to do my own self-awareness and self-healing. And so my message is: you’re worth it. My message is: be your own inner archaeologist. Learn and do whatever you need to do to just be the most aware, most thorough, cohesive person that you are. And just know that it’s possible. If you have multiple personalities like I did, it is possible to have them be integrated and to be a sovereign, be a person that is brought together as one. You might hear that false memories are a thing. You might hear that it’s not possible to integrate. You might hear that all you have to do is cope. And that’s not true. I’m here to tell you that it’s so possible to heal and to be really well adapted just by doing your own work. So I feel like it’s worth doing. It’s so important.